Imvu badges free swag3/31/2024 ![]() I realize now that I was also seeking punishment. Fighting cancer, it seemed, would be like fighting racism the healing would require pain.īut there was more to my cancer battle. I combat the societal adversity that is racism-and personal adversity of being framed as the problem for fighting racism. And with my inclination to push through adversity for a greater good. I think my insistence on enduring the increasing pain had something to do with what I perceived as manly strength. I wanted, if anything, more chemo, more pain. But I refused to let my oncologist reduce the dosage. And all the neuropathy in the dead of winter: the pain of breathing in cold air, swallowing cold liquids, or touching anything cold. ![]() As I proceeded through the cycles of chemo, the side effects compounded: the fatigue, the nausea, the toxicity on my tongue, the darkening and drying and blistering of the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. I was fighting for my life, but I did not share that fact publicly, and I didn’t so much as whimper to my caretakers. But looking back now, I suspect this might be why I kept the ordeal to myself. When I started chemotherapy, at the end of January in 2018, I wasn’t yet conscious of all this self-loathing. ![]()
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